


I Am The Fire (The Dark Collide)

by lighthouseglow



Series: Nexus Archives [7]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Aggression, Anger, Anxiety Disorder, Archaeology, Artificial Intelligence, Battlestar Galactica References, Bioshock Infinite Spoilers, Biotic Female Ryder, Biotic Shepard, Biotics, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canon Bisexual Character, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Development, Crew as Family, Custom Female Ryder | Sara, Destroy Ending, Diary/Journal, Disability, Exploration, Father-Daughter Relationship, Female Protagonist, Florida, Game Spoilers, Game of Thrones References, Geeks, Gen, Inspired by A Song of Ice and Fire, Introspection, Let's Play, Lion King (1994) References, Outer Space, Personal Canon, Physical Disability, Pokemon References, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Discovery, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan References, Star Trek References, Star Wars References, Survivor Guilt, Trust Issues, Twins, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 23:11:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8773123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lighthouseglow/pseuds/lighthouseglow
Summary: Touch my shit and I will kill you, but then you’d have to know my passwords and you sure as hell don’t. Are we clear? Good.





	1. Tell 'Em I Ain't Coming Back

**Author's Note:**

> As is standard for these video game journals, I'm playing the game in real time so everything you read is, at base level, my actual reactions to plot developments.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Datapad property of Lily Amanda Ryder, Andromeda Initiative recon specialist. Touch my shit and I _will_ kill you, but then you’d have to know my passwords and you sure as hell don’t. Are we clear? Good.  
> 

Datapad property of Lily Amanda Ryder, Andromeda Initiative recon specialist. Touch my shit and I _will_ kill you, but then you’d have to know my passwords and you sure as hell don’t. Are we clear? Good.  
\--

12 March 2185

Packing list for departure—  
• Yoda and Ewok plushies—can’t go anywhere without them  
• Vid player  
• All the Star Wars vids  
• David Bowie’s greatest hits  
• Richard III, T.E. Lawrence and Alexander Hamilton biographies ‘cause I haven’t gotten the chance to read them yet. Oh, and the biography of Gertrude Bell.  
• Alien, Aliens and Prometheus vids. No, wait. Prometheus, Alien, Aliens—I love their take on synthetics and I…want to run my hands through David’s hair. I do.  
• The biography about the Shepard sister commanders, Lily and Morgan Shepard. Lily’s always been my favorite—I know Lily’s the major one and we have the same name, but Morgan deserves credit too! She’s admirable in her own way for continuing to work while Lily took down the Collectors.  
• Anxiety medication for landing.  
• The Firefly series  
• Battlestar Galactica series—the one from the twenty-first, not the older one  
• American Gods and Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman

• Dune by Frank Herbert


	2. And I Had A Feverish Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> …We made it. We really made it. And they have _coffee_ here.

10 June 2819 (gonna have to get used to writing that)  
Ark _Hyperion_

…We made it. We really made it. And they have _coffee_ here. Not really awake yet. This is weird. Had the strangest dream too, I took a breath while I was dreaming and then I actually woke up in cryogenics, exactly where Daddy and Scott left me six hundred (big fucking number) years ago. Six hundred… So Lily Shepard married Garrus Vakarian and they were happily married and they died while I was asleep.

I hope they moved to Hawaii. Time to ask for another coffee…


	3. Look Back In Anger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is and always will be my fault and who’s going to tell Scott when he wakes up…?

18 June 2819  
Ark _Hyperion_

 

Daddy’s dead. Maybe if I write it more often it’ll sink in. Daddy’s dead, Daddy’s dead, Daddy’s FUCKING DEAD and it’s my fault. Everything is and always will be my fault and who’s going to tell Scott when he wakes up…?

Goddamn it! I…can’t think about this. I really fucking can’t. Cora only gave me two hours to rest, so I might as well curl up with my Squirtle plushie and try to sleep. Scott must’ve sneaked him into my bag before we left Earth and…goddamn it. Fuck everything.

Best part? I’m the Pathfinder now. Daddy, what the hell were you thinking?! I was “clinically dead for twenty-two seconds.” There’s no way I can do this. No way at all. Why me, Daddy? Why me? The telescope… When I was out of it, I saw Daddy’s telescope…

I don’t understand anything anymore.


	4. The Sky's On Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You sound like her, you know.”
> 
> “Who?”
> 
> “Margarey Tyrell.”
> 
> “…I get that a lot. No spoilers, you two; I just started season four recently. I’ll see you later, Drack. Lily.”

1 July 2819

Remind me when I get back to the Nexus to punch Director Tann in his fucking smug face. Everything that I can think of going wrong has so far. Like John Franklin’s Northwest Passage expedition in the 1840s—well, let’s hope we don’t resort to cannibalism this time. The three other arks have just vanished—God knows where the quarian ark is at this point. I have a ship now, the Tempest, and no idea what the fuck I’m doing at all.

I want to tell you that everything is running smoothly, but it really isn’t. Telling Scott the truth was difficult—he’s still in a coma but we were able to have a conversation thanks to SAM. I think I made him sick because Harry had to cut the conversation short. We’ve made a little headway, though—there’s a science outpost on Eos now and I managed to clear the radiation on the planet using a vault…and the help of an asari archeologist named Peebee. She’s weird, definitely weirder than I’m used to, but helpful. I need all the help I can get.

We also picked up a krogan named Drack, who isn’t opposed to watching Game of Thrones with me. Sandor Clegane seems to be his favorite character so far, but he also sort of perks up when Margarey Tyrell’s on screen too. “Our women could learn from her.”

“Just wait until we get to season six.”

“What happens in season six, kid?”

“Plot twists, old man,” I giggled. “Plot twists.”

“Can we watch another episode? I should probably show this to Kesh.”

“How long have you two been sitting here?” Lexi interrupted, squeezing by us to get a drink. It could’ve been just me, but she sounded a little jealous, I think?

“Three episodes, Lexi,” I said, not looking up from the vid screen. “You sound like her, you know.”

“Who?”

“Margarey Tyrell.”

“…I get that a lot. No spoilers, you two; I just started season four recently. I’ll see you later, Drack. Lily.”

“My lady,” I said with a straight face.

“I’m never going to hear the end of this, am I?”

“Nope!” I yelled after her.

“Come on, kid, give her a break. I can’t hear what’s going on.”

It’s at least a distraction from the slightly scary stuff I deal with on a daily basis, like losing my connection to SAM the other day. He went _completely haywire_ doing something for the staff at the tech labs and it was frightening. Other than Scott and Cora, he’s the only connection to Daddy I really have left. Plus I consider him a friend. If he were open to the idea, I’d…I’d…

Nah, I can’t. I just can’t. It would be weird…but he’s the only one I really trust other than Liam. Liam’s been nothing but kind to me since Daddy died.

I don’t have time for this ruminating. I should probably go to the bridge and set a course for the next vault. Or something.


End file.
